Guilt Is A Powerful Thing
by yoursafetyisassured
Summary: Lloyd may have had a slight miscalculation in step...and thought. No Parings.
1. This Can't Be Happening

Unbelievable

_(Lloyd)_

'_I'm going crazy!' My eyes locked with Charlie's, he was lying on the dirt covered ground in the same place I remembered him die. Blood still covered his lips just as I recalled but this time it was only me and him. My hands were coated in his blood and he grabbed my arm tight enough to bruise. I didn't struggled; just stared in complete disbelief. _

_"This is your fault Lloyd," he spoke, voice unnervingly calm and terse. _

_Time seemed to slow and I suddenly felt trapped; the air was thick and suffocating, I couldn't get enough oxygen. My heart was pounding and a deep emptiness settled in my chest. The emptiness was like an insheddable weight , I clenched my fists and bit my lower lip. 'This can't be happening.' Warm treks of tears ran down my cheeks and I felt as the warm liquid immediately cooled in the light breeze. Voices were calling my name, but they sounded foggy and distant. I didn't pay any attention to the voices beside the frittering, 'who is that?'. _

_"I...I didn't know Damien would...I...I'm so sorry..." I practically begged, like my words would make everything alright._

_Charlie, who had yet to break eye contact, continued speaking as if I hadn't said anything. "You didn't do your job when you were on the stand. This would've been prevented but you thought you were better than them, better than all the other jury members who didn't see things your way. They would've locked him up and dosed him with antipsychotics till he could barely tie his shoe, much less escape. I guess doing what was right didn't occur to you till your own life was in jeopardy."_

_His voice was cold and lacked its usual cheeriness; in fact, it seemed to hold all the anger and resentment that I held for myself. It broke me. In that moment my world shattered. Everything was closing up on me and Charlie was laughing a bitter laugh that shook me to the core._

_He leaned over and grabbed his discarded Glock. He stroked my cheek, almost tenderly before pressing the barrel into my stomach. My eyes followed the gun, not entirely comprehending the situation. I looked back at him just in time to see him smirk. He pulled the trigger._


	2. Phew Only a Dream

Disclaimer: yeah...still don't own.

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><p>The first thing I was aware of was the cold hard floor. I opened my eyes and they met the ceiling, a dingy color that was void of happiness, not much different then how I feel coincidentally. A dream. It was just a dream. I let out a sigh of relief and let myself take in my surrounding more thoroughly.<p>

People surrounded my body and I was vaguely aware that something had happened and I seemed to be the center of it. They looked worried. I knew who they were but I couldn't place them. They kept exchanging worried looks and one was clutching a cell phone. Erica. That's what her name was! And Shea, Ray, and Julianne! That's when it hit me, Charlie really wasn't coming back.

I felt the familiar feeling of recently shed tears on my cheek and it took me a few seconds to realize I had been crying. How long have I been crying? Then it seemed suddenly as if a fog in my mind cleared, and I really wish it hadn't.

Pain came crashing through my skull and I couldn't hold back the groan. The sound of my voice brought even further out of the cloud that I was in.

I licked my lips, "Wha...What happened?" My voice sounded dry and it cracked at first. The worried looks that were being shared seemed to increase in response to my question. Obviously they thought I would have remembered.

"You hit your head on the corner of the desk, you've been out for about 10 minutes. Ambulance is on the way," Erica said worriedly. That explained the phone in her hand, and the throbbing in the side of my head. I reached a hand to my head and hissed when my finger came in contact with the wound. I bought my hand away and in front of my face, my fingers were scarlet.

I went to sit up when a weight on my chest and thigh made itself known. "Not yet Lloyd. You were out for a long time, you need to stay still," Ray said pressing his hand down on my chest a little harder. I let my hand fall to my side and closed my eyes, the light was giving me more of a headache than the desk already had.

A gentle slap to my face caused me to reopen my eyes and I groaned. "What the hell Ray!" I moved my arm to shove him but my movements were weak and sluggish. He easily caught my arm and held it at my side.

"No sleeping!" He said before turning to the others, "He's weak."

"It's common to feel that way after you pass out," Shea said. "What? I've had experience!" Shea defended when Ray gave him a look, "Varsity Football." Ray seemed to buy that.

"Okay you guys get to work, I got Lloyd." Ray commanded.

Shea, Julianne, and Erika went back to their desks, each throwing worried and cautious glances over their shoulders. I moved my eyes to Ray's face and saw him gently massaging his temples. He was worried although I doubt he'd admit it. I allowed myself a small tired smile. If I were lucky, this wound would allow my a few days out of cell.

The screech of the lift door caused my attention to shift and I saw two paramedics coming in with a medical bag and a gurney. They shone a light in my eyes to check for pupil dilation then started asking questions. "What's your name? What year is it? Where are we? Can you feel when I touch you leg?" I answered all questions obediently till I started to get tired. "What are you feeling?" The taller medic asked. "Drowsy, sluggish, a little dizzy and nauseous," The medic took in what I said and looked satisfied.

One paramedic started feeling gently around my skull and I had to clinch my fists to keep from crying out. The paramedic noticed and wrote it down on the clipboard. The shorter one turned to Ray, "We have to take him to get a head CT scan and a MRI."

"I'm going with him, the team is going to go over evidence." The paramedic nodded and Ray waited as I was lifted on the gurney and wheeled out of the office. Downstairs I was promptly carted into the back of the waiting ambulance and I let myself sleep as the ambulance weaved through traffic.

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><p>Medical Jargon by non-medical person. I am in medical classes though!<p> 


	3. Oh Ray

Disclaimer: you know the drill... don't own

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><p><em>(Ray) <em>

I sat in the waiting room for what felt like forever, even though it was two hours tops. Then again, I couldn't sit still if my life depended on it. Lloyd was wheeled out in wheelchair, hospital policy, and a doctor came over to talk to me. "This man is a marshall?" He questioned. "He helps the Marshalls." He didn't need to know Lloyd was a con.

"Okay, then I need to go over a few things with you. I already asked him if he had anyone that could watch over him tonight like a wife or relative, he said no. So, he either has to stay at the hospital under supervision or go with you." I knew I had a shocked look on my face. I hesitantly agreed to take watch Lloyd for a few days and the doctor gave me a list of things to do and watch out for, I'd have Julianne call Maybelle and get him put in my custody for a little while.

I walked over to where Lloyd was sitting, talking to some patient."C'mon con," I said, grabbing the handles of his chair and wheeling him away mid-sentence. He went in to some rant about how I interrupted his life-altering speech and I shook my head in amusement. The automatic doors slid open with a hiss and I allowed Lloyd to climb into my SUV and buckle up as I took the chair back inside and climbed into the driver's seat.

"This isn't the way back to Maybelle..." Lloyd said halfway through the ride.

"Thanks genius. Where would we be without you," I said sarcastically.

"Ray, where are we going?" Lloyd asked hesitantly.

I sighed, "We're going to my place. You're sleeping on my couch."

Lloyd's expression was priceless. His jaw-dropped and he looked at me in utter disbelief before his lips spread into a cool smile and he focused his attention out the window. I grabbed my old-school cell phone out of my pocket and dialed the common seven digits. Julianne answered with a short 'Simmons' and told her what was going on. I could practically hear her smile over the phone as I told her I was rooming with Lloyd. The genius in question guessed our topic of conversation and gave me an evil look. I just smiled.

Once we got to my place it was dark outside and the temperatures had dropped. So, I went to find an extra blanket and pillow. I was rummaging through my spare closet when a soft knock on my open door reached my ears. "Yeah Lloyd?" I looked up to see he was looking skiddish."Umm... You think I could borrow some clothes, just for tonight?"

I didn't even think of that! Everything I own would be too big for his skinny ass. Though I guess that wouldn't be too uncomfortable.

"Yeah, give me your clothes once you've changed and I'll wash them."

Lloyd thanked me and I handed him a hoody and some jogging pants. He stood in the door awkwardly before padding off in search of a bathroom. I scanned the closet again before my eyes settled on a green blanket and a grey pillow. I carried the blanket and pillow into the living room, dodging the boxes I had yet to unpack, and got the couch ready for him. It was a sofa-bed actually, I bought it for when my daughter comes over.

Just then he came out of the bathroom and I finally got to take a good look at him. His hair was a mess from people prodding at it all day, he has butterfly stitches just above his left temple, the hoody came down to just above his knees, and the pants were baggy and rolled-up around the waist. He looked so different without a tee under a jacket and those horrid indigo jeans, normal even. It was then I realized I had grown close to the cons; even more so after Charlie's death. Perhaps too close to the cons actually. It's just like Shea had said, cops and cons die.

I had to physically shake my head to rid the thoughts. No emotional connections, this is a job, just business. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and listened to Lloyd's voice babble on about things that no one cared about. I briefly wondered what goes on in his head but figured I really didn't want to know.

Once my beer was gone and Lloyd had quieted due to exhaustion, I headed to my room. Setting my alarm clock for two hours later and putting Lloyd's pain meds in my lock box. I'm pretty sure those college kids weren't the only ones taking those prescription drugs. Though, that's one thing I would never tell the team.

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><p>R&amp;R!<p> 


	4. Blissful Sleepless Nights

Disclaimer: Don't Own.

Little short on all chapters actually.

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><p><em>(Ray)<em>

Two hours later felt like it couldn't have been more than two seconds later. I felt like my head had just hit the pillow when the alarm sounded through the thin walls of my bedroom. I groaned and switched on the light, squinting against the brightness and trying to see beyond the circle of light that radiated from it. I walked to the window and pulled the heavy curtain open, letting moonlight flood in like a wave crashing on the shore.

Once my eyes had adjusted sufficiently, I headed into the living room. Moonlight mixed with city lights and cast weird shadows throughout the crowded space. I scanned the room to see Lloyd sprawled out on the sofa bed. His lanky arm was hung off the edge of the couch and the blanket was wrapped around his legs in a seemingly complex way. I walked over a little more to see his face behind the arm rest. His mouth was hung open and his hair hung in his face.

He looked so much younger now; like all the worry and sadness that usually coated his features just faded with the sun. I shook his shoulder and he mumbled words I didn't understand. I shook him once more, whispering his name softly. His eyes flew open and he gasped, his terrified eyes meeting mine. "Lloyd, Lloyd it's okay," I said gripping his shoulder. I looked alarmingly at him and tightened the grip I had on his shoulder, feeling the bones beneath my fingers. "You're okay Lloyd..."

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><p><em>(Lloyd)<em>

When he shook me awake my thoughts automatically flashed to the max house. I was always terrified of being there. I lack any real fighting skills and I'm not entirely awful to look at. I knew my odds; they weren't great. I remember all the trips to the infirmary, the white walls and sheets on rickety cots. I also remember the nurses who honestly didn't care if you needed a real hospital at all. Thinking that cons didn't matter. In a way I understand; what I did was unacceptable and unforgivable.

I looked at Ray's slightly worried face. The man wasn't great at hiding emotions but I could tell he wanted to. "What?" I said, pausing to clear my sleep ridden voice. Ray still had his hand on my shoulder but I let him. He grabbed me like that once before, when he arrested me. I can still remember the day my old life ended and my new confined life started.

_'The sounds of the casino buzzed in my ear. It was a familiar sound, almost comforting. Casinos made me feel different, better even. I wasn't just some nerdy loser there; I was the smartest person in the room, I had control. I could run a poker table like there's nothing to it. My behavioral training came in handy there, reading bluffs and cards was as easy as pie. _

_I could smell cigarette smoke and cheap booze, and how the expensive cologne mingled with the not so expensive; creating an aroma of desperation and confidence. I remember the way I smelled that day too. I remember how the coconut smell lingered from my shampoo. I remember the strong cologne from the hotel I had stayed at the night before, and the way it clung to me in an almost delicate caress. I also remember the scent of petrichor that bonded to my expensive looking suit. _

_I remember why I came there that day, to the casino. That was the day I found out I caused and 18-year-old girl to die. I went to the casino to feel what I usually felt when I was at them. I needed to feel in control, just for a bit. I was going to pieces. I needed to go somewhere I didn't feel vulnerable, didn't feel lost. _

_"Lloyd Lowery." A voice bellowed behind me. I knew the voice. It was a voice I had run from for nearly four weeks. Usually I would've run, would've tried my hardest to ignore the metal barrel pushing into my back. Yet, at that time, I couldn't have cared less. I spun in the bar stool and looked right at the bald marshal I now know as Ray. _

_I think he understood then. He had that look in his eyes, almost like pity masked by anger. I sank to my knees and the cold metal clicked around my thin wrists. "Lloyd Lowery. You have the right to..." I shook my head, "I know my rights." Ray hauled me up and I was led out of the building. _

_That was the last time a casino had made me feel that way. Once those bracelets locked in place all my power was gone. Casinos just remind me of even more vulnerability now. I hate going in them. My addiction spiraled out of control during the last run of evading the Marshals. Those tables and roulette wheels just reminded me of how little control over anything I actually have. The one time I was in control I abused that right to the maximum. I took the ultimate control over someone else; the right of live.'_

"Lloyd. I'm going to ask you a few questions. Where are we?" I answered and he nodded moving on to the next one. "What year is it?" I again answered and he looked satisfied heading off into the direction of his room. I could still feel the tingling where his hand had grabbed my shoulder.

I honestly believe the only reason I'm on this team is because Ray knows what I did was unintentional and that I will forever regret it. I lowered my head back on the pillow, carefully moving into a more comfortable position without jogging my stitches. I eventually found a suitable position and the day's events pressured me into a blissful nothingness.

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><p>R&amp;R!<p> 


	5. Slightly Late yet Back to work

_(Ray)_

I looked over Lloyd's appearance. That's what the little booklet the doc gave me said to do anyway. He seemed space-y and distracted after I woke him, I didn't know if that was just Lloyd or the concussion. He did answer the questions correctly though and he seemed normal if not a little pale; but everyone is paler at night. I ran a hesitant hand through his shaggy blonde hair. His head buried further in the blanket and he mumbled things that you couldn't really call words. I allowed myself a little smile and headed back to sleep. Two more hours...

When I opened my eyes I realized something was off. The sun shone through the window and it just felt later in the day. I shot up and whipped my head to the side to read the clock. 9:40 am. I forgot to set my alarm again! I jumped out of bed, hissing as my feet touched the cold wood floors, and practically sprinted to the living room.

Lloyd's eyes were closed and I honestly feared the worst; like a coma or something. His hair hung in front of his face and the blanket had fallen on the floor completely. I shook his shoulder roughly in panic. He screamed and smacked my arms, gazing at me evilly. I could've laughed in relief. Still, we were late.

I headed to the laundry room to get his clothes out of the dryer. The checkered flannel with the navy tee and the indigo jeans. They were still warm to the touch, meaning they just got done. I slipped on a pair of socks so my feet wouldn't freeze and walked down the narrow white hallway to give them to him. Lloyd was massaging his temple as his elbows rested on his knees. "Need your pain meds?" I asked, he looked at me before nodding. I threw the clothes to him and headed to get the lock box under the bed. The lid popped when I opened it and I shook two white tablets into my palm; stuffing the pill bottle in my back pocket. I offered a glass of water but he had already thrown his head back and swallowed them. Which only enhanced my suspicions that he took those drugs himself at one time. I felt sorry for him, and overly protective and the same time.

I threw on my own clothes as did Lloyd and we headed to the office. I did stop by a McDonald's and grab a sausage biscuit for me and the lanky man next to me. We ate in silence, driving the 20 minutes across the city. We parked and hopped out of the car, wiping of the crumbs and throwing the wrappers into a near by bin. I pushed open the door and pressed the button for the lift. It descended, creaking and we climbed on the rickety lift; listening to the clink clank of the gears and cables.

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><p><em>(Shea)<em>

We were mid-sentence when the lift doors opened and Ray and Lloyd stepped out. Lloyd's hair was obviously not brushed and Ray looked like he didn't really get a great nights sleep. Lloyd ran his hands through his hair, trying to smooth it down while looking at his refection in the glass panels. I've never had to room with Lloyd but I heard it was a nightmare.

Ray asked to be filled in and we immediately went into the details. "Erica and I done some research. This guy, is bad news. Got some mommy issues if you know what I mean. Apparently she abandoned him when he was 8, left him an a gas station and just drove off."

Lloyd made a tsking noise, "Abandonment issues are the worst. Probably better off without his mom to be honest."

I just rolled my eyes as Erika filled in the rest. "Early 30's, male, caucasian. Has an apartment up state..." I zoned off, letting my eyes and mind wander. I saw the stitches peeking out of Lloyd's hair just above his ear. Boy was lucky he didn't hit his temple or I probably wouldn't be seeing Lloyd right now. I watched Julianne fiddled with her scarf and Ray standing near the office looking slightly dissapointed. We really didn't find anything useful on the fugitive.

During my zone out apparently they came up with a plan or next step or whatever, because Ray called Erika and I to get in the car. Lloyd apparently was out of duty for a while. I walked on the elevator, watching Lloyd's back as he chatted up Jules. The lift doors ended my line of sight and we were off.

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><p>TBC...<p>

R&R! :)


	6. Of Pizza & Concerns

Thanks for the feedback! lol tick-toc. XD

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><p>(Julianne)<p>

I looked at Lloyd as he sat in his desk, his nimble hands digging through boxes on his desk. "Hey Lloyd, want something to eat?" His blue eyes flicked to my face and he mumbled a yes please. I stood and took the 'Breakout Kings' credit card; walking past Lloyd to the lift and taking the ride to the restaurant downstairs.

I ordered us a pizza and while waiting for it to get done, I snatched up some napkins and two bottles of water. I let my eyes drift across the room. There wasn't many people here at this time. A couple in the back and a few people alone in the booths near the windows, because they had their laptops and that's where the outlets are.

The woman behind the counter rang a bell, letting me know the pizza was done. I walked to pay, swiping the card, before grabbing the pizza and getting back on the lift. The whole trip took about 17 minutes and I was actually relieved to get back in the sanctity of the office.

Lloyd was still at his desk with his head resting on his arms and his eyes closed. I looked at him for a minute. The way his lashes dusted over his cheeks and just how innocent he looked. My heart sped up in my chest and I forced myself to calm down. I cleared my throat and barely stifled a laugh when his head shot up. Keeping a cool face I set the pizza down on a table and handed him a water.

Lloyd rubbed his hands together enthusiastically. Probably thinking of how he hadn't eaten much since the accident. I grabbed a slice and put it on my napkin serving as a plate. Lloyd did the same and we just sat in desk chairs and talked. He grabbed his water and took small sips of it till I was done eating. I watched as he left half of his slice of pizza and headed back to his desk. I'm not so sure about the diet at Maybelle but surely he should be able to finish one slice of pizza... I frowned in concern just as the phone rang.

I practically ran to the phone as his curious gaze followed mine. "Marshals office." I said, as the line cackled and Ray's voice came over the receiver. "Hey. The guy's wife told us that he sometimes left with a few buddies to a cabin near the Hudson Bay." I started typing the info in, looking for realty titles. "Yeah I'm on it." I was going to hang up before his voice cracked over again. "Hey! How's Lloyd?" I glanced up to see the man in question staring at his fingers drawing designs in the condensation on the outside of his water. "I honestly don't know..."

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><p>sort of like an...idk...just a lil un-actioned chap. All stories need them I guess.<p> 


	7. Annoucement (not a new chapter)

Hey guys! Thanks so much for following/reviewing/reading my story. I wanted to let everyone know that I have re-done every chapter and a new chapter will be up in the next week or so. Thanks again for all your awesome feedback. :)


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